Love And Hate
by Kachanski
Summary: Love and hate are closer together than people think, even at their extremes. Based on the novel Enduring Love
1. Joe

**Mmhhmmmnnn...Well this is based on the book Enduring Love. I don't quite know why I wrote it, it was on my mind since I'm studying it as my companion piece for AS English Literature. I'm also not too sure how good it is, as my usual proof reader person thing has never read the book. ^_^**

**Its a good book though, a bit slow to start, but worth reading. Not so sure about the film, never seen it, but it looks silly, especially the ending, which is nothing like the one in the book.**

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Joe hated Jed, with every cell in his body.

Jed had come into his life at the worst possible time and turned it on its head, effectively ruining it for the sake of some imagined link between them. Joe knew, rationally, that it wasn't Jed's fault, that the man was a victim of a cruel mental illness and couldn't help his actions, but like everything Jed had come into contact with in his life, his rationality, his certainty, had been broken down by the sheer force of the young man's faith and conviction until Joe no longer knew what to think.

He hated that too. He hated that he could no longer be certain of what to expect. His rational and scientific mind had been cast into turmoil and he had found something that he couldn't explain, an unpredictable presence whose next actions he couldn't calculate. The uncertainty of Jed's actions had driven him almost to insanity, to the point where he questioned, (just like Jed had questioned which of them was Job and which was God in his ridiculous religious analogies) who was really insane.

He hated Jed for driving Clarissa, however briefly, away from him. For making him act in a way that alienated his beloved, beautiful Clarissa until she could no longer stand it and left. It didn't matter that they had sorted out their problems and now had a child, because he knew that although Jed was no longer there physically, his essence, his influence and the repercussions of his actions would never leave anyone who had been involved in the man's imagined drama.

He hated that, in the end, Jed had come out a victim. They had both been victims but it stung that Jed, who had done so much damage both physically and mentally to those around him, ended up as someone to be pitied. The very fact that Jed was so pathetic was what made it so difficult for Joe. Who could raise their hand against someone who acted like a kicked puppy at the slightest sign of rejection, and changed his manner so quickly and unpredictably, first pleading, then threatening, then wretched… How could he act decisively when someone was so apparently harmless but so obviously dangerous at the same time?

Chaucer had one said "Suffer for love, worship till it hurts." And it had never been so true, except Joe had suffered as much as Jed, even though it wasn't his love.

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**Theres a part two, from Jed's point of view.**

**Reviews are loved, cherished, held close for ever and always replied to. ^_^**


	2. Jed

Jed loved Joe, with all his heart and soul.

He loved Joe unconditionally, as he knew deep down Joe loved him. Joe had changed his life, given it a purpose, and taught him through his teasing and leading on to be strong, decisive. Even saying his name; _Joe, Joe, Joe._ It gave him a pleasure he couldn't describe, a joy he had never felt before, so painful yet so perfect, so _right_.

It didn't matter that he had been shouted at, accused, rejected more times than he could remember, _shot_. They had both done things that they were ashamed of, that perhaps normal people would not forgive, but he forgave Joe for what he had done, as he knew Joe forgave him.

Why would he not? Joe had, after all, saved him. He had stopped him from killing himself and if that wasn't a sign of their love then what was? Jed understood that it was difficult for Joe, but he loved him all the more for the fact that Joe was able to test his faith and make it stronger, for the fact that Joe had become a presence in his life that would never leave. A presence which had taken him from his solitude and given him a purpose.

Jed loved Joe's devotion to Clarissa because he knew that Joe wanted to show the same devotion to him, and that it was only a matter of time until Joe learned to forget his science, his logic and learn to follow his heart, to follow God and then they could both be truly happy.

He had to admit, although it had pained him at the time, he loved the games they had played. He loved the times they had spent together, the pushing and pulling and the power struggles. First Joe would be in charge, then he would back down act as if he had no idea, as if he was afraid, to encourage him to continue, to let him know that Joe needed his love, and requited it. He would say something horrible and then make _that face,_ letting Jed know that it was all a cruel joke to keep him on his toes. And those messages! He was very clever, sending messages through the curtains, the hedges, a little glance. Someone Jed could admire, someone who deserved his love, Gods love, and he knew it would only be a short time until Joe would find his way to God.

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... " Jed was not afraid. He had faith, complete faith that Joe would see the mistake he was making; that Jed's love would bring Joe to him, and to God, despite his struggles, because that was what Joe really wanted. He just didn't realise it yet.

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**Worrying huh? Well thats it! ^_^ As always, reviews are loved and cherished. They are really encouraging, and thank you for reading!**


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